So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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