wakey wakey hands off snakey
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
