My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize