Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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