I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
