maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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