So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
