i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
