I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm too high and old for this...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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