somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
