I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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