had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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