yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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