I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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