I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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