you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
