..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
