hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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