halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
