That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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