I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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