I didn't shave. On purpose
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
