grandma shit on top of the toilet
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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