did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
