One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize