dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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