Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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