I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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