I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
