I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize