Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
