Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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