my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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