You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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