Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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