be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize