sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
