I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
