Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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