What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
