my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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