okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
