You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
