True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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