A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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