Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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