I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
smell my finger.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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