69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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