theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
