ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize