Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
