I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
