Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
