apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
