And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
