i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Let's get the cat blown out
pray to the hookup gods
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
