She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
