He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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