i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
