You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
