Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
