i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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