God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
