shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
