if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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